A stressed spouse is a big threat any marriage.

Knowing what your partner desires are very important to any relationship. However, being able to anticipate what he/she needs is paramount. So that you end up with a stressed spouse. I say this because marriage is hard work and often life throws all sorts of challenges along the way. Faced with these dilemmas could result in miscommunication and bring about lots of heartache; remember men and women perceive emotional situations very differently.

I believe men require three major traits in a wife, namely a friend (wife), lover and the whore. Wives too require three things too, namely security, emotional support and intimacy. A fat wallet, fantastic skill in the bed and humor is an added advantage. These are some of the major reasons that compel couples walk down the aisle and say “I do”. The absence of need can result in a stressed spouse.

A stressed spouse could also be as a result of lack of understanding and communication.

Case studies

Ken and Kendra

Take Ken and Kendra for example. Their faith in each other was put to test after they suffer a miscarriage early in their marriage. Kendra was devastated and was inconsolable. Ken tried to comfort her but nothing he did was good enough. She stayed in bed for days as the grief consumed her. She would go into a sobbing feat as soon as Ken got home. This turned Ken into a stressed spouse on the account of his wife’s depression.

Avoiding each other

Soon Ken started associating her miseries to his presence. He started coming home late and later, which was not helping the situation.  Ken like so many men doesn’t know how to handle stress well. Like the typical male, he started drinking, among other things.  On noticing this Kendra became so insecure and started demanding for sex, just to make sure he was not getting any out there.

Poor Ken could not rise to the occasion, this convince her that he was indeed having a sexual affair.  In the meantime a female co-worker noticed how stressed he was and before long she was offering emotional support thus taking the role of a friend away from his wife. It was just a matter of time before she would graduate into a lover, fortunately or unfortunately one of Kendra’s friends saw Ken and his female colleague at a restaurant and reported back to Kendra.

Kendra now, erupted into raging monster and even attempted suicide. Ken pleas of innocence went unheard, her continuous demands for sex and his flopping manhood persisted – a terrible vicious cycle. Although Ken’s other relationship had not become sexual. It was just a matter of time before it did, luckily they sought help.  He was hurting as much as the wife, he just did not know how to handle her, being a macho man and all.

He too was mourning the loss in his own way, but because he couldn’t communicate effectively he came across as uncaring.  It took a long time to counsel this couple. Kendra believed theirs problems were a sex related problem. While, Ken had difficulties communicating well with his wife. I had to point out the benefits for him opening up to his wife and getting her to understand him.

Ellen and Bob

Another case I handle was that Ellen and Bob. Bob rarely gets upset, but when he does, he takes off for days on end without a word. So you can imagine Ellen’s panic after their first major tiff; he just drove away without a word as to where he was headed.

A day later she was frantically searching all over for him, she even went to the cops, finally she decided to talk to his mother, the first thing his mum asked was “did you have a fight? Don’t you worry, he will come back when he calms down” his mother assured her. Ellen wanted to scream “what’s wrong with you people!” but then you don’t say that to your mother-in-law. Apparently Bob checks himself into a hotel for a few days to cool off. Nowadays, when she sees ‘that look’, she packs a suitcase and like the good wife makes sure he has clean underwear, and then waits.

Conclusion

The lesson here is everyone handles stress in their own unique way and we must strive to read the signs and act accordingly. Also, just because he doesn’t want to have sex doesn’t mean he is getting it out there. So please don’t be one of those women who jump on her man as soon as he returns from a trip just to test if he did some woman out there – some people get even more sexually active while cheating.

Loss of interest in sex should not always be mistaken for infidelity as there could be other issues at play. On the other hand great sex is not an indication of a great relationship. Couples must learn to communicate effectively and one can’t accomplish this without the knowing the partner and how they behave and react to situations.

If his way of handling stress sucks big time, please bring this up when he is calm, days after making up sex.  Don’t be afraid to pour your heart out without manipulating the situation, let him know how you feel when he behaves this way.  If he still wants his way or no way, bad as it sounds sometimes you have to give him a taste of his own medicine. Which might back fire on you. If it doesn’t work, then you need to find a way of living with his bad habit.  Good luck to us all.