This also means keeping up with my email messages. Checking on social media. Re-booking all the appointments that I had to cancel. As well as check on other business and personal matters.
I must say sometimes am amazed at the kind of questions people ask me out there. At times I don’t know whether the questions were flattering or offensive. Especially those about a partner’s conduct or behavior.
In the midst of all these activities, I came across a message that caught my eye. It was from a man and this is what he asked;
“Hello Madam, my wife has some red panties. That she received as a present by her lady friend. As a valentine present. I suspect as if they have some hidden agendas. Because they keep on texting each other sweet messages. Please help me to know whether its healthy ama kuna kitendawili (or there is a game going on)”
Please don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to make fun out of this situation and neither am I dismissing his concerns. But, you will have to agree with me that I can only speculate. Since I don’t know all the facts.
If I confirm his fears and tell him that his wife is a lesbian. And the red panties are proof. Then it turns out that the wife’s friend is a cheeky girl playing jokes. Then I will be harming the marriage. I would also be at fault if I tell him to concentrate on ‘nation building’ and stop being petty. Thereafter, should the wife elopes with the friend I will be wrong too.
The truth of the matter is I am all for marriage. My mission is to help couples enjoy and not endure marriages. So if I save one marriage. Then, I will be a happy woman.
Having said that. Marriage is for two individuals. The two must find effective ways of communicating with each other. Also they must find way to resolution disagreements. Meeting each other half-way and accommodating each other.
It’s a wonder to me when one of the parties would rather ask of my opinion. Rather than ask their partner patent issues about their marriage. Many a times people offer money to call a wife/husband. To ask, prod them to tell the truth and even get him/her to return to the marriage or relationship. Other times I am to train wives to to be ‘just like me’. Can you imagine that?
Now please let me address the husband of the red panties fame. My brother. I am sorry I can’t tell if the friendship between your wife and her lady friend is healthy or Kitendawili (riddle). As far as I am concerned. I wouldn’t accept ‘red panties’ or any other color for that matter from a lady friend or man other than my husband. But then that’s me. Other women could be different. The odd bit is the timing. As a bridal shower gift, red panties are alright as especially give at the party in the presence of others. But for valentines flowers and chocolates are more appropriate.
The fact that you are uncomfortable and it’s been bugging you for a while. Is reason enough for you to sit down with your wife and ask her about it. While at it, be firm and don’t let her brush it off. State your case. Ask her how she would feel if your male friends bought you boxers and kept sending you ‘Sweet’ text messages? Her reaction or lack of it. Will be the tell tale sign, especially if she will not look you in the eye or want to discuss the issue.
I know you were expecting a straightforward answer, but I am sorry it doesn’t work that way.
Readers, what is your take on this issue? Would you accept such a gift, especially on St Valentine ’s Day, from a friend of your gender and red in colour?