Elusive orgasm can be a source of frustration in a marriage. Research indicates that about 10% of all women will never achieve orgasm. No matter how much effort they put into lovemaking by themselves and their partners. One would so expect that majority (90%) of the rest of us are in sexual bliss. On the contrast. In the West, It’s estimated that about 40% of all adult women. In sexual relationships and marriage have never attained an orgasm. Also that majority of women have faked the big O at a point in their lives, with many faking it every time.
With challenges such Female genital mutilation (FGM), the situation in Africa is worse. Not to mention cultural values and the the role of the women in sexual matter. Many women don’t even have a clue of what an orgasm is. They only get to know about it from their friends after years of marriage. Some of these women having learnt of orgasm, think their husbands are not skilled enough. Some engage in extra marital affairs to experience the an orgasm. Leaving them with a life of regrets or even ruin their marriages.
An orgasm is release of sexual tension. Built up over a period of time (during foreplay and intercourse). Culminating is a release or ejaculation. Resulting in recurring muscular contractions in the genital area. This sends waves of intense pleasure all over the body. The orgasm sometime with comes ejaculation of fluids in both men and women. Yet, in most cases it’s too little in women; most become wetter. As for men and in a few women the ejaculation is actually larger in volume and is actually shot out.
There are many factors on why many women don’t climax – elusive orgasm. The major reason being, the lack of built up of sexual stimulation. Depending on the woman. It takes between 5 to 30 minutes of foreplay and stimulation. To build up enough sexual tension to explode into an orgasm. Given these factors. There are women whose sexual excitement, raise very fast. Sometime even climaxing before their men. Which might irritate them as deem their men as taking too long. But, these are in the minority, with most women taking an average of 20 minutes of stimulation.
Kenyan runners are excellent mid and long distance runners. We dominate many marathons races. And have won most of the steeplechase races since the 60s. If you travel abroad and mention you are from Kenya. The immediate association is marathon running. In China, one Chinese national gestured hands moving up and down mimicking running to me. When she realized I am a Kenyan and she could speak no English or Swahili. Thus, one would expect that kind of endurance in the bedroom. But going by the numbers of women complaining. It’s seems like some of our men are sprinters.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not just our men, but a global problem. But, I guess it’s worse in Africa as many believe foreplay is a Western world thing. Leaving many women frustrated and never realizing their full potential in the sack.
Educating men on these matters in Africa is an uphill task. I remember in a couple’s seminar one man asking ‘what would I be doing preparing my wife for 20 minutes? Would I be reading a novel while stroking her back?’
To many men sex is a way (in some cases the only way) to release tension. So to them sex starts at half an hour after getting in bed. As soon as woman finds the perfect position and the right frame of mind to sleep. Then comes a (sometimes cold) probing hand. Tapping, at the sensitive area. What is even more annoying is in when the hands go the source – Miss Victoria (vagina). This is not sexy at all! Its like a woman garbing pressing Mr. Victor’s best friends – the round twins with cold hands while the man sleeps.
Elusive orgasm in most marriages is as a result of lack that excitement and play. Thus, we need to bring back the romance. Sex should start in the morning when you compliment her as she leaves the house. Followed by flirting texting and phone calls. At night one could give her a back rub and believe me Mombasa Raha will be first class.
Once the man penetrates, he would do well by using positions that simulates the clitoris. With the right pressure and rhythm.
Premature ejaculation could be a course of elusive orgasm too. This can corrected with Kegel exercises for men. Changing positions every few minutes also helps men last longer.
Ladies, before you sleep back and do a Kifu cha mende (dead cockroach syndrome) during sex. Then blame it on the men. You must realize that you contribute 75% to your own orgasm. The man’s 25% in most cases is foreplay and penetrate long enough. You must relaxed. Not have any inhibitions. You must also contribute. I mean if the reverse-cow-girl position is what gets you off. Then by all means engage.