One fact that makes orgasm elusive for women
Research indicates that about 10% of all women will never achieve orgasm no matter how much effort is put into lovemaking by themselves and their partners. One would therefore expect that majority (90%) of the rest of us are in sexual bliss. On the contrast, it’s estimated in the West that about 40% of all adult women in sexual relationships and marriage have never attained the big O. Also that majority of women have faked the big O at a point in their lives, with many faking it every time.
Back home here in Africa, given our socialization, cultural practices such as Female genital mutilation (FGM), I suspect the situation is even worse. Some women don’t even have a clue of what an orgasm is and get to know about it from their friends after years of marriage, a number of these women then engage in mipango ya kando (sexual affairs) just to experience the big O. Leaving them with a life of regrets or even ruin their marriages.
So what is an orgasm?
An orgasm is release of sexual tension that has been built up over a period of time (during foreplay and intercourse) culminating is a release or ejaculation, resulting in recurring muscular contractions in the genital area that sends waves of intense pleasure all over the body. The climax is accompanied by ejaculation of fluids in both men and women, but in most cases it’s too little in women; most just become wetter. As for men and in a few women the ejaculation is actually larger in volume and is actually shot out.
So why is orgasm so elusive for most women?
There are many factors as to why most women don’t climax. The major reason being, the lack of sufficient built up of sexual stimulation. You see depending on the woman, it takes between 5 to 30 minutes of foreplay and stimulation to build up enough sexual tension to explode into an orgasm. Given these factors, there are women whose sexual excitement, raise very fast sometime even climaxing before their men and getting irritated at their men for taking too long. However, these are in the minority, with most women taking an average of 20 minutes of stimulation.
A country of long distance athletes and short distance lovers
Kenya is famed for its mid and long distance runners as a matter of fact, we dominate most marathons and has won almost all of the steeplechase races since the 60s. If you travel abroad and mention you are from Kenya the instant association is marathon running; in China, one Chinese national gestured hands moving up and down mimicking running to me when she realized I am a Kenyan as she could speak no English or Swahili. Therefore, one would expect that kind of endurance in the bedroom, but going by the numbers of women complaining of not getting enough attention speaks volumes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just our men, but a global problem, which I guess is worse in Africa as many believe foreplay is a Western world thing. Leaving many women frustrated and never realizing their full potential in the sack.
We must change our mindsets
Educating men on these matters in Africa is an uphill task; I remember in a couple’s seminar one man asking ‘what would I be doing preparing my wife for 20 minutes? Would I be reading a novel while stroking her back?’ To many men sex is a way (in some cases the only way) to release tension. So to them sex starts at 9:30 pm just when the woman has found the perfect position and the right frame of mind to sleep. Then comes that (sometimes cold) hand probing and tapping, what is even more annoying is in most cases it goes straight to the source – Miss Victoria (vagina). This is not sexy at all! Its like a woman hard pressing Mr. Victors best friends – the round twins with cold hands while the man sleeps.
How to correct the situation
Most marriages lack that excitement and play that was there while the couple was courting. Therefore, we need to bring back the romance and sex should start in the morning when you compliment her as she leaves the house, followed by flirting texting and phone calls. At night one could give her a back rub and believe me Mombasa Raha will be first class. Now I know that premature ejaculation is an issue too, but this can be corrected with Kegel exercises for men or even changing positions every few minutes helps men last longer if that doesn’t work you can invest in the China brush; an herbal cream that desensitizes Mr. Victor (penis).
Women too have a role to play
Ladies, before we all sleep back and do a Kifu cha memde (dead cockroach syndrome), then blame it on the men; you must realize that you contribute 75% to your own orgasm in fact the man’s 25% in most cases is foreplay and penetrate long enough. You on the other hand must be relaxed, not have any inhibitions and contribute.